Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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