I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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