I want to have your abortion
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
