Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
