Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
