mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
