WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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