One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
