one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
