Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
