masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He did a backflip because drugs
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