...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
