guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
