alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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