Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
