i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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