I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just pee around me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
