I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
