why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
