Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
