I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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