My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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