Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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