i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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