ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if only i could text you this smell
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
