I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
