By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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