she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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