she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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