so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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