piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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