I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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