I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Alive.
So much puke
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
