it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes