Texts From Last Night

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  (002): View more from

  508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.

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  (002) 508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway. http://tfl.nu/mu6c
  Replies (7) Good night (730) Bad night (745)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just threw up on my dentist

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  (603): I just threw up on my dentist http://tfl.nu/4tee
  Replies (20) Good night (984) Bad night (3274)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

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  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1377) Bad night (8351)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6489) Bad night (1072)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.

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  (330): Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley. http://tfl.nu/14i4
  Replies (16) Good night (1197) Bad night (5210)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

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  (630): note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots... http://tfl.nu/3sut
  Replies (14) Good night (4497) Bad night (1405)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9626) Bad night (1308)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"

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  (814): He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind" http://tfl.nu/73d5
  Replies (14) Good night (2963) Bad night (934)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.

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  (248): Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty. http://tfl.nu/b16d
  Replies (4) Good night (843) Bad night (434)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder

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  (217): turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder http://tfl.nu/r034
  Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (295)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"

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  (561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally" http://tfl.nu/drl0
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike

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  (301): I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike http://tfl.nu/9zq8
  Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am

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  (970): My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am http://tfl.nu/7eir
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (351)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  That's literally the perfect eulogy

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  (740): At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table." (414): That's literally the perfect eulogy http://tfl.nu/dxva
  Replies (2) Good night (889) Bad night (236)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?

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  (651): Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder? http://tfl.nu/8sji
  Replies (3) Good night (195) Bad night (423)

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