Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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