my phone needs a breathalizer
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.