he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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