you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
