I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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