Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
