I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
