OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
