you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
