Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
