so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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