he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
