Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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