he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
