"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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