We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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