Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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