lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
