I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
