It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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