Im at strip club and am horny
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
