she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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