hotel room ftw
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
