thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
