I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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