You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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