After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
