Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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