i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
