i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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