And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's rum buckets o'clock
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
