we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
