We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
