Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
