A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My bed smells like the plague
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize