I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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