But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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