I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
