Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
