Too much gin, very little bucket
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
