I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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