i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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