he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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